Memo: End of Summer expectations

Dear Preis employees,

We’re glad to hear that you two (along with your co-worker Archie) are having such an enjoyable time this Summer. Please keep in mind that throughout all your travels and adventures, there is a job to be had — more notably, excelling in this organization.

So what does “excelling” mean to us, your managers? In a nutshell, “excelling” includes ┬ábut is not limited to:

- Potty training (our incentive program (candy, late bedtime, TV, anything you want) seems more than fair so please get involved Ms. J)

-Pulling up/Standing (you’ve already begun the process so kudos Ms. S)

-Sleeping in a “big girl’s bed” (congrats Ms. J)

-Eating lumpier, solid-ier foods (Ms. S, that means you may NOT choke on said items or we can NOT cross it off the to-do list)

By the end of summer, we expect you two to complete all the above-mentioned items (especially No. 1, Ms. J).

On a lighter note, we’d like to share our thanks with the two of you on your outstanding work and abilities to handle all the change coming to the organization. Change is never easy to bare but you two are doing an amazing job, and we’d like to take a moment to spotlight your ability to roll with the punches:

Corporate retreat on the beach

Corporate retreat on the beach

Corporate trust fall

Corporate trust fall

Stress management techniques

Stress management techniques

Thanks for all your work this summer — management notices this behavior and it will be rewarded!

Sincerely,

Management (aka mom and dad)

Memo: sickness policy

Dear Preis employees,
We are happy to hear that you are taking full advantage of the company’s vacation and sick policies. Your trip to Arizona sounded amazing and we got a good report back from our satellite office (ie Nana and Papa’s house) — so thank you for fitting in some work on your break.

However we must remind you that you have only a limited amount of sick days. Picking up disgusting colds, viruses, ear infections, UTIs, etc is not the way to manage your health effectively. Management breaks down in sheer terror every time you sneeze, cough or rub your ears. Do your best to avoid harmful situations and always wash your hands. And as we’ve said before — DO NOT SPREAD GERMS AROUND THE OFFICE.

Management has a tough time fighting your infections since we must keep the company running — sick or not.

Thank you for your consideration. As a happy summer gift, enjoy the antibacterial gel we’ve left throughout the office and your cubicles.

Sincerely,
Management (aka mom and dad)

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Memo: 1Q Recap

Dear Ms. S and Ms. J Preis,
Congratulations! You both are really making a name for yourselves since the start of 2014. Before we recap these accomplishments (and note any areas needed for improvement), we would like to apologize for the lull in communication from management.

1. You both did amazing when the company shut down for the polar vortex. Your patience, positive attitude and eagerness to eat anything served from our on-site cafeteria while being trapped inside your “office” like rats on a ship were duly noted. We’ve decided to reward you all (and your coworker Archie) with an extra vacation day to be used some time this summer.

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2. We’d like to go over your medical leave/sick day policy: These days are NOT unlimited. You do NOT get to contract every virus, infection, injury. For that reason, we must insist you discontinue certain habits like licking playground equipment, putting office supplies and/or toys inside your mouth, sorting through the trash can and other germy activities.

And on that note, if you do happen to get sick, do NOT spread your illnesses to management. We have many important jobs (including being responsible for you all) and your illnesses are likened to coming down with the Plague.

3. As usual, time to note your highlights
Existing: Congrats Ms. S on earning your official name/title with the organization.

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Personal hygiene: Congrats Ms. J on your first haircut. Everyone at the office loves the new look
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Anniversary: Congrats to Ms. J for celebrating her 2nd year with the company/being on Earth. We hope you enjoyed the celebration. As we like to notify all employees, eventually you will be able to select your own party themes; it’s an earned benefit that comes after years of experience.

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Department bonding: We consider this the most important milestone for first quarter. Team unity is a crucial goal we value here. Thank you for putting a conscious effort in that area.

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We can’t wait to see all the good things set to happen next quarter!

Sincerely,
The management (aka mom and dad)

Memo: Managerial assistance

Dear Preis girls,

Just a quick note: Please take it easy on your supervisors. Sadie’s entrance into the company has caused unforeseen obstacles for management, requiring assistance from our medical branch (i.e. your birth did a whammy on mommy’s poor body). Please hold back on any requests that aren’t needed immediately and utilize your patience when waiting for approval from the bosses.

That means there may be slight changes to the schedule in regards to coffee/milk orders, break/nap/tummy time and personalized meal options.

Sincerely,

The management (aka mom and dad)

Memo: Required holiday break

Dear Ms. S. Preis,
We know you are new to the company (and the world), but please remember that holiday vacations exist for a reason. You may not feel like you need a break and are ready to power through New Years, but management definitely requires a lull in activity.

If you could try and not “work” during the graveyard shift (anytime between 1am-6am), that would be beyond appreciated. Management is starting to lose its grip on reality with all these emergency wake up calls (feedings).

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Thank you!
The management (aka mom and dad)

Memo: New addition

Dear Ms. J. Preis,
As you have certainly noticed, we have added new personnel to the staff. Our new intern, Sadie, has been hard at work adjusting to her work schedule, meeting the extended company partners (Nana, Grammie) and getting adjusted to her new work life.

Though her cubicle/nursery is much larger than her previous work space/womb, she’s aware that her presence is also a transition for you, too. Here are some helpful tips management would like to share with you as you adjust to life with your new co-worker:
1. Sharing is caring. Please pass along any company accessories/supplies to the new intern if you are no longer using these items. The list can include rattles, onesies, pacis, etc.

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2. Management values you.Though it may seem that all our time is being spent training Ms. Sadie, we are very aware of all the hard work you’ve been putting into the company. For example, were impressed with your new abilities of stringing sentences together now and your effort to say “please” and “thank you.”

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3. Set the example.You are now a toddler, which is part of upper staff/big sisterhood. We look to you to make good choices, think of creative solutions and be a general help to management. We thank you in advance for helping with Ms. Sadie’s diapers, bottles and nursery cleanup. Expect a large bonus (sounds like “telmo”) at the end of this quarter.

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4. Ask for help. When all else fails, turn to fellow senior staff member Archie Preis for assistance. This values employee has gone through the upheaval of personnel changes twice and knows how to handle the transition.

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We appreciate your patience and hope you’ll be able to adjust soon. Please remember that management couldn’t run this company without you and couldn’t imagine a world without you on our roster.

Sincerely,
Management (aka mom and dad)

Memo: Personnel changes

Dear Ms. Preis and Mr. Archie,
We apologize for our lack of communication this fall. As you may have noticed within the home office, some major changes have begun. Although Archie may remember similar changes about two years ago, this is a new sight for you Ms. Preis.

We want to keep the lines of communication open so we would like to offer a heads up that there will be some personnel changes happening in the next few weeks. Please do not panic — you and Archie are not going anywhere. However, we will be adding more staff to the organization.

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Ms. Preis, we want to make you feel comfortable in your place within the organization. Not only are we excited with the work you’ve been producing (using sentences, counting to 10, identifying colors and animals, etc), were very impressed. Your immediate supervisors (aka nursery school teachers) even recommended skipping classes based on your excellent abilities. We’d like to reward your stupendous achievements with an additional title, “Big Sister.”

You’ll be tasked with the training, observation and overall happiness of our newest employee set to start early December (keep in mind her start date may be pushed up earlier depending on outside factors). She will just be starting out as an intern and will need a lot of guidance (and burp cloths), but as you may remember, that was the path you took here and look how far you’ve come:

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Management will do our best to keep things as normal as possible, but obviously a new employee does mean change. We believe you and Archie will be able to maintain a high degree of normalcy due to the arrival of our senior partners (aka Grammy and Nana) in a few weeks. Just remember that we will do our best to keep everyone’s spirits up but there may be a few growing pains along the way.

Finally, as the holidays approach and the year wraps up (and before the young intern arrives), lets go over your goals for next year:
Mastering waste management (potty training)
Responding to changes in overnight shifts (move from crib to bed)
Taking required breaks (avoid time-out freaks outs)

We love your enthusiasm, dedication and overall positivity and hope you instill these traits in the new intern (we apologize for not releasing her name yet). Keep up the good work!

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Sincerely,
The management (aka mom and dad)

Memo: Dessert Fridays

Dear Ms. Preis
We are very happy that you and the rest of the staff are enjoying Dessert Fridays. We only ask that you don’t take advantage of the program and only take your fair share of the tasty treats.

Sincerely,
The management (aka mom and dad)

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Memo: Summer recap

Dear Ms. Preis,
We apologize for the lack of communication over these last few months. As you may have guessed, summer is a crazy time for the company and schedules are difficult to maintain.

We’ve checked in with our HR department (aka mommy) and have assessed your PTO hours. We were startled to see the breadth and scope of the personal time you’ve taken this summer. Let us be clear — all your days were approved so have no fears about that. We like to have an open dialogue with all of our employees and wanted to take a few moments to recap your travels and regroup before work starts up again in a few weeks.

June: Beach retreat
We believe the beach retreat was a huge success! Thank you for your interest in joining team-building activities and having an open mind with our scheduled meetings. We hope you enjoyed spending time with some of our satellite employees and founding board members (Grammy and G). We know some of our activities, including those planned for the Fourth of July, had to be tweaked due to weather so your patience was definitely appreciated.

Our staff photographer took many photos to include in our quarterly newsletter, so here are a few for your review:

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July: Coworker events
Our company prides itself on a strong work ethic, but we also understand that having an active social life makes enthusiastic, enjoyable employees. That being said, we were excited to close the company doors for a few days to celebrate the wedding of a few friends of the organization. By having our office change locations to New Orleans, we hope you were able to get a taste of how other companies work.

Things in New Orleans were definitely more laid back than at home base, and we must admit, the food is a step up than what can be found in our on-site cafeteria (I.e. mommy in the kitchen). For example, we were happy to see that you tried your first beignet in the Big Easy.

Again, we’ve enclosed a few photos of the trip. As a suggestion to strengthen communication between our partners, please thank the hosts of that weekend for their generosity and kindness.

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August: Tahoe convention
Our local office packed up and headed to beautiful Lake Tahoe for the national convention honoring a founding partner, Papa. Travel and transportation didn’t go as smoothly as we planned, but we recognize your efforts in keeping with the scheduled program (even with a 3-hour time change and many connecting flights).

Our west coast partners and those traveling from Boston were all excited to see you and remark how your promotion to Toddler was drastically obvious. Congratulations on impressing the entire group, including matriarch Nana. We hope you enjoyed the exciting team-building activities, like taking a ride aboard a gigantic ship, soaring to the top of a mountain in a gondola, taking a dip in the hot tub, and watching the partners compete in a nail-biting race (Nana sends her apologies for ignoring you during the chaos to finish first).

You met friends along the way, ate more cereal than our cafeteria has ever served and got more praise than we ever thought possible. In short, a very successful trip! Please take a look at the photos and see what we mean.

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Congratulations on a successful summer! Now let’s make sure we buckle down and get ready for the hustle and bustle that fall always brings.

Sincerely,
The management (aka mom and dad)
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Memo: Summer hours

Dear Ms. Preis,
Every summer, we send the same type of memo around to our employees in regards to the slight change in structure around the office. Since Memorial Day weekend is the start of summer at this company, we’d like to go over some “rules.”

1. Skin is in. As your coworker Archie the dog can attest, our dress code becomes slightly more lenient during these hotter months. Feel free to wear tasteful, appropriate outfits that show a bit more skin. Archie usually gets his summer haircut around this time and will agree the removal of some layers of clothing, or fur, is a necessary requirement here in the deep south.

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2. Trip time. We’re much more lenient when it comes to PTO/vacation during the summer months. We know you have family in AZ, CA, LA, MA and in other parts of the country. As long as you send in your request, we’re more than happy to work with your schedule so you can attend any wedding, graduation, beach trip or even a proposal!

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3. The great outdoors. As long as you get your work done, feel free to spend a little more time outside. Take a break, grab a cup of juice and unwind on the property. One caveat: If you do choose to go outside, please bring your coworker Archie with you.

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Let’s have a great summer!

Sincerely,
The management (aka mom and dad)

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