Dear Ms. Preis,
There is no excuse for our lack of input of your work over the last few weeks. We apologize profusely for the oversight and promise to do better in the future. Please do not take this lapse of communication as a negative sign; in fact, it’s the exact opposite. We couldn’t be happier with your activity. (We’ve added photos at the bottom of this memo to exemplify what we are talking about.)
First, we know you used your PTO days for the first time last month to vacation at the beach. It’s important our employees represent our company well beyond our front doors, and we heard you did phenomenally at the beach. You handled yourself with decorum during the 7-hour drive, swimming in the pool and sleeping in a pack-and-play. You met many other workers from other companies and heard you were gracious and kind at every introduction.
Also, we’re happy to hear you’ll now be visiting our on-site cafeteria as you’ve recently started eating solids. Our kitchen staff whips up the best mashed green beans, carrots, and pears. And of course, since you’ve been with the company for nearly 6 months, you eat for free.
We know your huge 6-month milestone is coming up, so we will have much to discuss at your review. We just wanted to keep you in the loop and let you know we are very happy with your work. Keep it up!
The Management (aka Mom and Dad)