Dear Ms. Preis,
We apologize for the lack of written feedback over the last 2 months. Although we have provided oral communication about your efforts, we will do better with our official record keeping.
As always, we like to take an internal audit of your activities over the last few weeks and find out what needs improvement and what is perfect as is.
Let’s begin with physical accomplishments and milestones. Pulling up was quite a startling discovery for you. We knew all that exercise in our on-site gym was in preparation of this! Everyone here is ecstatic for you, especially since you’ll get to see the world from a new vantage point. Here are some professional suggestions though:
1. Please ask permission from your co-workers before using them as human stepping stools.
2. If you so choose to use items like tablecloths, strollers (or any wheeled product) and Archie’s water bowl for balance, you’re asking for a guaranteed injury.
3. First step, pulling up. Second step, stepping (as in walking)!
As you are well aware, we’ve had a few conferences across the country as well as meetings with some of our satellite locations, like Arizona. We’d like to speak about these events. First off, thank you for traveling to all these locales. We know that you’re not a big fan of flying (tight quarters, lack of moving space, claustrophobic bathrooms with teeny tiny changing tables), so we appreciate your efforts. You were quite pleasant even when our flight got delayed and several strangers remarked about you “being such a good baby.”
And although your complaining (and subsequent wailing) was at a minimum while in the air, the eventual jet lag that struck was at a maximum. We suggest napping more on the plane so everyone around you doesn’t want to run and hide because of your wild mood swings.
We were also told to note how happy you made everyone at our other U.S. offices. The people out of our AZ branch (ie Nana, Papa, Aunt Heather, Aunt Jennie and Uncle Garret, countless more) were ecstatic to get to see your progression within the company. You’re ability to eat more and more foods seemed to be the highlight of the trip. And we were all happy to see that you enjoyed the non-working activities like swimming and crawling.
Finally, we were excited to hear you’ve joined WP Interacts, our social committee responsible for planning fun and exciting activities for our staff. Some of your best events include pumpkin picking, dog fairs, kosher BBQ and of course, lunch and dinners out for everyone celebrating a birthday (like Mommy, Nana, Grammy, Uncle Spencer and Papa). Everyone on the receiving end of these birthday surprises tells us you’ve done a great job making them feel special on their big days.
As always, our list of ways to be even better here:
1. Please refrain from pushing on the newly installed baby gates. They’re there for protection, not as a way to stand up (see earlier section)
2. Napping has become very hit or miss. Please choose the former.
3. Management does not control the weather so please don’t take it out on us if buckling your car seat is tougher than normal because of your added layers.
We will be sending you another memo very soon so please look forward to additional information. As always, thank you!
Management (aka mom and dad)